It was a strange Sunday. It felt like those cold winter evenings throughout the day. The sunlight was missing, the air was still. She found it pleasing to the eyes. She felt the moistness in the air with her hands and enjoyed it. She was in love with everything around her. She had the perfect family, the perfect home, and today, it was the perfect weather. She could always be seen with that cute dimpled smile, which anyone could fall for, anyone would die for. She always kept smiling, she lived.
He woke up complaining every day. But this magical day offered him nothing to complain about. Still he complained about how something as perfect as this day could never exist, and something was bound to go wrong. He was shy, uninterested with everything, he never approached anyone for anything. He dreaded having a conversation with anyone, he kept talking to himself, and he kept writing stuff in his personal dairy. To be left alone, he lived.
She was standing near the entrance of a fashion store in the mall, wondering whether to go inside or not. Her friends were inside. She found the idea of coming to the mall on such a wonderful day as useless, but still she was here because her friends compelled her. Yet she was smiling.
She had this feeling that someone was watching her from the time she had entered this place. Some strange feeling crept inside her and she kept looking back, searching for the coward who, she was sure, was watching her from somewhere.
He couldn’t help it. He had seen that mesmerizing smile the moment she entered. He never actually liked stalking anyone as he was the one who kept running away. This was the first time he was running after someone. Every time she looked back, he could see that smile, he kept longing for more.
*Heh! This is sure turning out to be a perfect day* his mind said. *Don’t be so sure you idiot* he said. *well, aren’t you going to talk?* / *no ways, let her be* / *well, you’re not letting her be, are you?* / *will you just shut up?* / *HAHAHA!! Talk to her you bloody coward!!*
“Hi! I’m Nick, I’ve been watching you for the past 15 minutes…..and I think you’re really beautiful, that smile is mesmerizing!” *See? I’m not a coward, I did approach her* / *you surprise me! Well, go ahead, this is actually a perfect day* / *oh! Don’t be sure about that* / *Wtf! There you are, giving up already* / *what? given up? I’m here standing before her, no?* / *then don’t talk to me, talk to her you asshole!*
As he was busy talking to his mind, he suddenly realized, the girl was quite surprised with all that happened in a split second. In a way, she was sure someone was stalking her, but this she never expected. He took the cue and said, “oh! Don’t get me wrong, I just felt like talking to you, that’s all!”
That cute smile widened to a small grin. Telling him, he had succeeded in his approach. *Yes this IS a perfect day* / *yeah, but….* / *that’s it, I’m leaving you with her, ciao!*
“So…. you mind telling me your name?”
That small grin was getting bigger and more intoxicating by the second.
Then, she moved her hands and tried to convey something in sign language.
She said “*I’m so sorry….i’m dumb, I can’t speak……*”
*Where are you, you bloody asshole!* His mind didn’t answer, it was way too surprised to answer.
He felt sad for the girl; he wondered how she could be so happy! All those feelings of sympathy along with respect crept within him.
He smiled, “its oaky, you’re still beautiful, and that smile is even more mesmerizing”
She grinned from ear to ear, in appreciation, and gratitude. No one had ever talked to her like this.
“only if you don’t mind….”
“*erm…. Okay…*” She said involuntarily.
They walked to the nearby coffee shop, sat on a table meant for two, ordered the coffee. And they looked at each other. For the first time, he noticed, that small & shining nose ring.
*Oh! How can she be so lovely!!* his heart said. His mind woke up, gave a loud laugh at his heart and said to Nick, *Dude, this ain’t right. You’re taking advantage. She doesn’t deserve this sympathy bullshit, she’s above it. Finish this crap and go home, I’ll catch up with you at home*.
They finished the coffee, got up, and started to leave.
“*Thanks….. I really appreciate it, but my friends are waiting…. I’ll have to leave with them….*”
“OhYesSureOkNoProbs” he said impatiently.
“Can you give me your eeeeemmaiii……..” He didn’t know why he said it. He stopped midway.
She smiled again, took out a note from her hand bag, wrote something on it, and gave it to him
It said “I thought you’d never ask, considering what I am…… but I’m glad, Nick. XXXXXXXX@gmail.com :)”
She was already at the exit gate with her friends. She was going. She looked back, smiled, and waved at him “bye :)”.
“Hey! I thought you wouldn’t…….”
Nick: “its okay, consider me as a friend, its not as if we’re dating, or as if we are going to…” | *Bingo! Good that you cleared this out first*
“:) yes, I know, you wouldn’t. I know that”
*SHIT!! This was not what I meant!!* / *don’t worry, its okay if you’re rude at the first instance, especially about this*
“hey Chill!, I understand! :)”
*I hate you. I didn’t want to make her feel bad* / *chill dude! This was necessary*
Nick: “I’m glad you understand. So, what do you do?”
Nick: “I’m surprised how you manage to stay so lively all the time!!”
“well, life gives you so many reasons to be happy and lively!!”
Nick: “Oh yeah? ”
“You just need to appreciate thing as they come! Stop being so damn pessimistic!”
Nick: “Its not that I’m pessimistic, things just don’t matter to me anymore, they just don’t affect me anymore”
“Oh yeah? And how do you manage to do that?”
Nick: “Don’t know yar, its just that I don’t give a damn about anything. I can’t go on caring about everything and anything that anyone say out there, can i?”
“You think the same for your family?”
Nick: “family is different; I can give my life away for them”
“Then its good. But, then if you give a damn about no one, why aren’t you happy?”
(*Erm….. erm…… WTF do I answer to that!!!*)
“And do you think I give a damn about anyone?”
Nick: “you don’t?”
“Haha!! Ofcourse not! I can’t go on caring about everything anyone says”
Nick: “then, if we do the same thing, what the hell am I missing?”
“thats for you to find out. You lead quite a different life than mine! :)”
Nick: “you amaze me!”
Soon, they became quite good friends. Those minute long conversations became hour long chats. He would keep giving “how-not-to-give-a-damn” lessons, she would always agree, but also make him feel he’s going wrong somewhere. What was it? What the hell was it?!?!
As days went on, she started behaving a little differently. She would make sure she was around when he need to cheer up, to rant, to share any damn thing he had to say. Her I-have-got-to-go-nows’ became oh-they-can-wait-you-carry-ons’. She was starting to give a damn after all. She wasn’t sure about what he felt about her. But she didn’t care about that anymore. She wanted to give a damn.
He did notice this change. He was getting quite uncomfortable with it. He had made it clear that nothing could happen between them. He stuck to his ground, why didn’t she? He started being rude again. He started running away again. He was sure something big was about to happen. He didn’t want it to happen. He didn’t want to destroy the relationship they shared. He kept running away.
They had decided to meet again. She had already planned out everything. She knew him so well now. This time she made sure he wouldn’t have any excuses. He saw the d-day coming. He feared, what he was thinking might come true. He had successfully found out reasons to not meet before. He kept running out of reasons as time passed. This time he had to meet. And he decided to deal with it.
He had reached early that day. He had rehearsed what he wanted to say, cuz he was sure she would have rehearsed it too. Both of them wanted it to be perfect, in their own different ways.
There she was, wearing a black sleeveless outfit, looking at her best. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. And she noticed that. She quite liked it. He hated himself for doing so.
Something wrong was going to happen.
She seemed quite confident and calm when she entered. That made him nervous.
He decided to speak first. He thought that would be easier.
She smiled. *Oh! That smile!!!*
“Look, I think we both know what this is about. But I’m so sorry this can’t happen. I don’t feel like that for you. I just want us to be friends. I don’t want to destroy this relationship we share.”
She smiled again. She facepalmed.
“*oh no! its nothing like that. I can’t understand what made you think so. And you had cleared that out in the beginning itself*”
He was dumbfounded. He couldn’t believe what just happened! She tried to make him feel comfortable, as she always did. She knew him so well.
Those few moments of awkwardness were then forgotten. She managed to brush it away like she always did. He felt alright again. She knew him so well.
As they finished having dinner and it was time for them to leave, that sense of wrongness returned to haunt him again. He quickly recollected what had just happened. It didn’t feel right.
She sensed it. She came forward and gave him a gentle hug. And told him nothing was wrong.
She handed him a note. “*Read this, you’ll feel alright! But read it when I’m not there. Please?*. She knew him so well.
He sat there on his bed, crying. He cried for the first time because nothing ever bothered him like that note. He had read that note.
“I’ve always liked the way you handle situations. I liked the way you approached me. You are very true and soft at heart, however hostile you might be to the outer world. You noticed the change in my behavior towards you. I realized I had changed only after you did that. I knew, you were sure something was going to happen. I trusted you the day you said “nothing will happen between us”. I trusted that you’ll stick to your ground. You did. I liked the way you were true to me all the time. I liked the way you didn’t pretend. We’ll stay friends forever. Love you.”
*Why did you do this to me?*. His mind didn’t answer. It was too ashamed to answer. *WHY THE HELL DID YOU BRING ME TO THIS STATE?*
*You’ve been listening to that bastard for so long, isn’t it?* his heart spoke.
*please go away, leave me alone, I’ll be alright tomorrow* / *Listen to me you idiot, your bastard mind has shunted me for so long. I won’t take this anymore. Why the hell do you come to me everyday if you want me to go away?* / *When did I come to you?* / *What? Don’t you ever read that diary on which you pour me out every night? That’s the only time you remember me!!*/ *what?!?!?*
He sat there on his bed, speechless. He read what he had written in his dairy.
His heart was laughing at his mind. His heart was finally laughing at his mind at some place outside that diary. The diary knew, where he had gone wrong all this time. It knew, why she didn’t give a damn about anything and yet stayed ever so happy all the time. It knew, she listened to the heart. And the best part was, that beautiful dairy knew how much he loved her!!
There was calm on his face. For some reason, everything around him was so pleasant. For some reason, he smiled. For some bloody unknown reason. He had never felt so happy! He had never felt so FREE!!!
It was a strange Sunday. It felt like those cold winter evenings throughout the day. The sunlight was missing, the air was still. She found it pleasing to the eyes. She felt the moistness in the air with her hands and enjoyed it. She was in love with everything around her.
She remembered what had happened yesterday. She hoped he was doing fine.
Her dad was sitting in the hall, reading the newspaper. She sat beside him. Her dad used to read out the news to her everyday. That was their daily routine.
Today, her dad seemed upset about something.
She asked “*what happened, pa?*”
“Youngsters these days! Don’t even know how to drive properly. This young man met with an accident at the highway yesterday. Looks like a pretty ugly mishap. Sigh!”
She casually looked at the news report…… and………….
She woke up. The day was quite sunny. She hadn’t been sleeping for quite sometime now. But even if it was for those few hours, she slept quite well, she slept quite deep. Every night, she would read a page from that dairy, and remain lost in that day’s thoughts. That dairy made her stronger every moment she had it with her. That dairy, in which he had poured his heart out. She lived with him every moment.
He was gone, but she had his heart.
And yes, she still didn’t give a damn.
It’s not as if your mind is wrong, but tell it to agree with your heart. Love your life, and don’t give a damn, from the heart. :)