Wednesday, December 29, 2010

10 ways to act like an utter asshole!

Its been quite a while since I wrote my previous post..... Well, its pretty hard to think of topics to write and I’m facing the same blogger’s block that every beginner faces. NothingMan provides me with a topic once again, and i manage to write something about it. 

The world out there is brutal.“Survival of the fittest” is given a whole new meaning with every passing day. Now, it’s called “survival of the assholes”. When with assholes, behave like one even if you’re not one. Else, you’ll literally end up being an ass. And beware, there’s a big line of difference in being an asshole and pretending to be one. Because other assholes out there have sharp eagle eyes and you’ll be pounced upon the moment you show a sign of weakness. Assholes always have it their way. Always.

Here are some some ways to become an asshole!! 

#1:  Remember the shit that comes out of your mouth:
You might forget what you might’ve said, others will not. And you’ll be surprised when things turn against you. Don’t be surprised, be prepared instead.

#2:  Compliments need timing and scarcity:
If you appreciate everyone, no one will appreciate you. Be a bit reserved with your compliments. It gives more meaning to the words you say. Reserved compliments are deserved compliments.

#3:  Uncertainty:   
Unpredictability makes you special. Don’t be reluctant to stay uncertain. Those who’re close to you and know you will understand you anyways. Those who’re not, don’t need to understand you.

#4: Everything is Over-Rated:
Things are best when kept simple. Everyone exaggerates and gets ignored. Don’t over-do anything. That’s when people will respect your opinions.

#5:  Fewer words:
Express yourself in fewer words to avoid your ass from the pain of taking them back.

#6:  Ignore. Don’t forgive:
Ignoring is the best form of self help. When you won’t react, others will screw their minds making out what you’re thinking. And they’ll fail at it with flying colors. Ignoring doesn’t mean forgiving. You’ll get your chance to hit back. They’ll themselves provide you with it.

#7: Love Vs Ego:
Humans are hungry for love. Hungrier for ego-feeds. They find it as satisfying. Do things that give you an ego boost. Joke about people, and be joked at. Joking doesn’t mean hurting. And if they don’t take it in the right spirits, then they actually deserve it.

#8: Indifference:
 Being indifferent is much better than choosing a side. It’s more peaceful than anything else.  It doesn’t mean you’re being diplomatic, it just means you don’t give a flying fuck.

#9:  Leave Loopholes:
It so happens that when you’re being uncertain, you’re also leaving loopholes at the same time. Loopholes for others to fall into, and loopholes for you to get out. It helps.

#10: Admit your Mistakes:
This is the toughest thing to do. But when you do it, it’s the easiest way to get out and be done with. When you admit your mistakes, others don’t have a point to argue about. You’ll surely have to bear the consequences. But hey! You enjoyed making the mistake, now enjoy paying for it.

I can go on and on about it, but I guess now you’ll figure them out yourself! And when you do, you’ll realize that now you’re closer than ever to the people you care about. And far away for other assholes around you.

Do comment you assholes, I’ll thank you for it and feed your ego.


Saturday, December 18, 2010

Why do women expect so much from men and vice versa!

Now this is a question which all men and women are faced with. And the answer is always biased and never conclusive.  So firstly, don’t expect me to give you an answer to such utterly inconclusive bullshit cuz I’ll be the last one to care about. I’m just going to leave this post open ended and let you decide for yourself. And again, being a guy I’m obviously biased. No matter how hard I try. Even the die hard Capricorn Diplomat in me fails to do so. 

It’s a general tendency among women, that a men should read their mind. It’s a very huge thing to ask, and men miserably fail at it. I think the only reason behind it is that men tend to think logically. Now before you go “Oh-Don’t-Give-Me-That-Logic-Shit” on me, let me tell you, this post is written on the assumption that MEN ARE PRACTICAL and WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL. I’m kind of generalizing it a bit if you consider today’s scenario, but its still a majority. So you're free to disagree with this basic assumption and save your already useless time by not reading any further.

Now going back to the reason, what I think is that men treat women like men and try to gauge their mindset by reading the linear logic of the interaction and basing their conclusions on that, because that’s how they correctly analyze interactions with other men. So, even when they are using their linear logical analysis flawlessly, it doesn't help because they are approaching the job with the wrong tools.

Women being emotional are able to read other people’s emotions much more easily and expect men to do the same. This is like asking men to wear a tiara and flaunt it like it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to them. 

This is how the logic/emotion thing works:

                          Why why why???? 


I thought for a very long time about how men expect too much from women, couldn’t think of any. Then I thought why not google it?? And this is what I got:


It seems women are busy bitching among themselves and about themselves!!!!  

But all said and done, we can’t blame women, can we? Women being the physically weaker sex, they need to compensate for this physical weakness by being better in other areas, like reading and manipulating emotions. Women didn’t have the legal and societal protections they have now. They were subject to the whims and physical brutalities of the men they encountered.

And thanks to our society where everyone is assumed to share the same strengths and weaknesses, we are less likely than ever to consider that some people are just naturally built for some things and some people naturally aren't.

Nobody’s perfect.

 (*Damn! I’m a bloody diplomatic asshole!!!)

Topic credit: NothingMan
Comments are welcome. Suggestions to improve the blog are most welcome. Still an amateur blog. Do share with others if you like it!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Hey guys!

This is where i start. After giving it a thought for quite a while, and giving up a number of times, i'm finally here with my blog. This is where i ramble about any random thought that comes to my mind. This is where i shout. 

Its been almost three months since i joined Twitter, and it has been one Helluva journey. From being twitter-atheist to being person with almost 75 tweets per day, my journey has been a blitzkrieg! And i must say, i've been tweeting like hell only because of the amazing people i follow on twitter. Even though the first few days were boring as hell and i kept ranting about what a fucked up place twitter is, things started becoming interesting when i started following some amazing people with amazing/witty/humorous/screwed-up/mysterious views on random things. Views that made me think, laugh and enjoy!! And mind you, none of them were the usual good for nothing celebrities who used twitter as a means of promotion of their utter nonsensical run of the mill bullshit movies and albums. They were all writers, columnists, bloggers, successful businessmen and all such people who had a successful life. The "been-there-done-that" kinds.

And that was when i joined in, with what i wanted to share, in ways and words i never knew had existed within me. Still, i wasn't satisfied. Something was missing. There was a certain sense of urge within me, to reach out, to follow more people, and be followed by more people. 

Thats when i started following and got followed by people who came from the common spheres of life. A loser/Struggler/yet-to-do-anything-worthwhile but on the way to something, always chasing something. People whom i could really connect with. Thats where all the fun started, thoughts and ideas were exchanged, new things were learnt and an exhilarating insomnia was experienced. And enjoyable sleepless nights were had. 

And the more i got to know them, the more i got inspired to write my own blog. 

This being my first blog post, i decided to write about what i felt about twitter and the amazing people i follow. 
I am not giving out any names, you guys will know if i am talking about you. You are the guys i interact with. If you're disappointed with this, you do have your own blog, go ahead crib about it there!!! :D 

Right now, i have absolutely no idea what i am going to write about. But i have made a start. I might think of some new ideas and I might steal some ideas. Whatever the topic. So, it will be utter uselessness on your part to make a fuss about it if you've already read about any of my ideas in some other blog. 

One thing you can be assured of is that whatever i write about the idea, will me mine, neither stolen nor inspired.  

If this blog looks a little amateur, which it obviously will, do point it out. If your suggestion is worthwhile, i might listen!!