Wednesday, December 29, 2010

10 ways to act like an utter asshole!

Its been quite a while since I wrote my previous post..... Well, its pretty hard to think of topics to write and I’m facing the same blogger’s block that every beginner faces. NothingMan provides me with a topic once again, and i manage to write something about it. 

The world out there is brutal.“Survival of the fittest” is given a whole new meaning with every passing day. Now, it’s called “survival of the assholes”. When with assholes, behave like one even if you’re not one. Else, you’ll literally end up being an ass. And beware, there’s a big line of difference in being an asshole and pretending to be one. Because other assholes out there have sharp eagle eyes and you’ll be pounced upon the moment you show a sign of weakness. Assholes always have it their way. Always.

Here are some some ways to become an asshole!! 

#1:  Remember the shit that comes out of your mouth:
You might forget what you might’ve said, others will not. And you’ll be surprised when things turn against you. Don’t be surprised, be prepared instead.

#2:  Compliments need timing and scarcity:
If you appreciate everyone, no one will appreciate you. Be a bit reserved with your compliments. It gives more meaning to the words you say. Reserved compliments are deserved compliments.

#3:  Uncertainty:   
Unpredictability makes you special. Don’t be reluctant to stay uncertain. Those who’re close to you and know you will understand you anyways. Those who’re not, don’t need to understand you.

#4: Everything is Over-Rated:
Things are best when kept simple. Everyone exaggerates and gets ignored. Don’t over-do anything. That’s when people will respect your opinions.

#5:  Fewer words:
Express yourself in fewer words to avoid your ass from the pain of taking them back.

#6:  Ignore. Don’t forgive:
Ignoring is the best form of self help. When you won’t react, others will screw their minds making out what you’re thinking. And they’ll fail at it with flying colors. Ignoring doesn’t mean forgiving. You’ll get your chance to hit back. They’ll themselves provide you with it.

#7: Love Vs Ego:
Humans are hungry for love. Hungrier for ego-feeds. They find it as satisfying. Do things that give you an ego boost. Joke about people, and be joked at. Joking doesn’t mean hurting. And if they don’t take it in the right spirits, then they actually deserve it.

#8: Indifference:
 Being indifferent is much better than choosing a side. It’s more peaceful than anything else.  It doesn’t mean you’re being diplomatic, it just means you don’t give a flying fuck.

#9:  Leave Loopholes:
It so happens that when you’re being uncertain, you’re also leaving loopholes at the same time. Loopholes for others to fall into, and loopholes for you to get out. It helps.

#10: Admit your Mistakes:
This is the toughest thing to do. But when you do it, it’s the easiest way to get out and be done with. When you admit your mistakes, others don’t have a point to argue about. You’ll surely have to bear the consequences. But hey! You enjoyed making the mistake, now enjoy paying for it.

I can go on and on about it, but I guess now you’ll figure them out yourself! And when you do, you’ll realize that now you’re closer than ever to the people you care about. And far away for other assholes around you.

Do comment you assholes, I’ll thank you for it and feed your ego.



  1. Point no. 9 is cool. Leaving loopholes. Never thought about it. Well pointed out :)

  2. Very well written was like you spoke my mind! Bravo!


  3. if you are, what you wrote, you v had it the right way!life teaches this to everyone, the difference comes where who really wants to learn it. v well written ;) \m/

  4. @Owen: Everyone will something form it,9 belongs to you! :)

    @tanmay: I know, fellow asshole! :)

    @Nothingman: Yus,i spoke my mind, realised only after i wrote it. Looks like i'm gonna exhaust all your topics! Thanks! :)

    @razul: I have become what i have written! Oh, and \m/! :)

  5. Nicely written. However, I believe these rules cant be taught or practiced. People are born assholes. Hence, the drastic difference within the society we live in. You'll always find the biggest assholes commanding respect from the ass-wipes. Hero emerging from a shit-hole only happens in the movies. Ne yea, I am an asshole! :)

  6. not a single point.. actually all the points r very tru.. well written... !!! :)) lyf's big things simplified classically ;)